You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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