Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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