when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
