The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
