Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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