There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize