shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize