My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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