It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
