im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
