next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Randomize
