he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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