she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
