I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
