I'm lost and stupid without you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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