his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She needs sedatives and a leash
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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