The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
