I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
