The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
