Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
