Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize