Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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