Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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