Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
