I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
