so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
