Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
