It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
