Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
love makes seman taste better
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
