i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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