Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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