Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
