my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize