Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
