Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
