My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
