hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
our cab driver is having phone sex.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
