Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
