Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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