I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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