he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fuck appropriateness.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
