Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
