I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So vagazzling was a success
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
