i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
