Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
