woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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