No stitches, just platelets and will power
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
