last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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