whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
