I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
