sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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