I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
