I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
