I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
