well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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