That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
