If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
