Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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