Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
