dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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