I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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