i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
