did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize