My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
