she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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