you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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