i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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