Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
