I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
