He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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