Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
