You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
