i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
