i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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