there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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