I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
