just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
