i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
