my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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