Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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