im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i came on her dog
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
