You're my little dorito
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
