Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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