ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize