dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize