he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
