I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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