omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
