how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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