WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It was confusing and full of hummus
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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