We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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