Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
