Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize