Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
