so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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