we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
