My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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