Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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