Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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