All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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