I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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