$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you had me at cake vodka
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
