I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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