I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
