I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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