im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
