I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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